You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
