Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
