im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
