i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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