and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
