Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
