after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
