What a fucking waste of an outfit
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
