Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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