how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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