Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize