You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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