Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
