My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
