you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
