I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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