I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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