I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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