The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
