saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
