Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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