just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
