yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
