I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
