Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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