YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize