i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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