girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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