fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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