Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
