nut hugger
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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