Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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