waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Never underestimate the power of titties
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
