yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
