its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
