Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
