plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
