my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
