time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
