i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
