He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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