come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
