i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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