Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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