In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
