I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
