i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
