Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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