I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pants are for mortals
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
