he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
