see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
