started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
