my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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