do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
