It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
