I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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