So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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