Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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