My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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