Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
