Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is my gift to your gina
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
