you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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