No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You may now shotgun with the bride
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
