she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
