I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize