I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You've changed since you got that strap on
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
