I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
