At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
