That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
