so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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